last night i found out one of my friends went to a thrift shop a couple weeks ago and ran into this guy who he didn’t know. for some reason or another, my friend decided to spark up a conversation with him. they got to talking and after a bit, the stranger told him about a show he was having that night and asked my friend if he wanted to be put on the list to get in. “yeah, that’d be sweet,” he said.
that night, he was introduced to the best musician of the decade.
thoughts are a good thing to have in order, but never for me that like are they and then i just confuse myself.
at least i’m not ignorant..or does saying that mean i actually am?
dexter strickland is exactly 1 year and 6 months older than me. thats 548 days (including leap day) or 13,152 minutes. he was born approximately 789,120 seconds before me and that makes me feel young. but pluto was still a planet when i was born so feeling young (or feeling old for that matter) is all relative. and tomorrow i am going to feel younger than i did today.
so why did i go tonight, knowing it was more likely than not going to end the way it has? something is wrong with me when i set myself up to be reminded of the past, this past which i so desperately need to forget. but then i get the slightest inclination that maybe today will be different and, just possibly, we’ll finally be okay again. and it’s that tiniest morsel of hope that tears me apart at the end of the night. so maybe i should just stop hoping altogether? or i could try pretending that we never even met. oh how comfortable life would be if that were the case. there would only be the obligatory introduction of hello my name is… and what are you studying? (some nods and “uh-huhs” would be exchanged) before we could go right on and pretend we had never met. because that is life as i have come to realize and it is sad, but it is also easy. and who needs a complicated life when you’re just going to end up depressed anyway?
I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 7:30 AND MY FIRST CLASS ISN’T UNTIL 11. i am so bored it’s not even funny.
don’t use “but that’s reality” as an excuse for cynicism. in fact, just don’t be cynical and we’ll be friends.
but what sucks is that it’s as though as soon as one bad thing happens between you and someone, as soon as you have a falling out, or as soon as you create a falling out to force distance in your mind, you can’t even remember what the good times were that had you spending time with them in the first place.
all you can see is the negatives.
and that’s not fair to them, is it?
funny how our memories insist on twisting us into being the right ones.
and funny how once something goes wrong you can’t even remember the parts that were so right.
how can you begin to forgive someone who never even apologized?